cjhauser

cj hauser

Hi, it’s me, CJ.

I am a writer. I am queer. I am sober. I am probably the lovechild of Fox Mulder and Leslie Knope. I love plants and animals and books like that one weird kid on your childhood playground who never stopped talking about them did, unless that weird kid was you. If you are here there is a non-zero chance that child was you.

I’m the author of a memoir, The Crane Wife, and two novels, Family of Origin, and The From Aways.

I was born in New York City and grew up in Connecticut. I got an MFA from Brooklyn College which I am terribly proud of. I got a PhD from Florida State in Tallahassee and I still miss the grouper sandwich at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster shack.

I have published work in The Paris Review, The New York Times, Elle Magazine, Bon Appetit, Esquire, and Narrative Magazine among other places.

A friend of mine once said that if a writer lists a bunch of fancy publications they should then have to name some jobs they worked to pay the bills while doing that writing. I think that’s very smart. So: waitress, nanny, daycare worker, personal assistant, admin assistant, merch-grrl at the Bowery Ballroom, toilet reviewer for a magazine in Long Island City, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade worker, kids’ theatre camp teacher.

These days, I work at Colgate University where I have been happily teaching creative writing and contemporary literature since 2016. I run our Living Writers series. I love being a teacher.

I have a writing group I adore who has been together for a decade. You can hear an interview with us Firefeet on The Awakeners podcast.

I have a large fluffy dog named Sookie Stackhouse and three pet snails most of whom are named Patricia Highsmith.

I don’t have social media it bums me out.

I am always deeply obsessed with many things.

It is September 2026 & my current obsessions are:

*oh no I can’t stop watching The Traitors?? US & UK? I am developing a fake Welsh accent. Also it feels like if I do not someday get to meet LaLa, Alan Cumming’s dog, I will regret my choices in this LIFE?!

*The milkweed pods the butterflies the little spiderwebs in pockets on my yard in the morning

*I cannot stop freaking out about the hugging face hack — y’all know I’m obsessed with Ai and this is a BIG DEAL

*Listening to the THIRD book of the Wolf Hall trilogy on audio while I walk my dog and giving her running commentary on who should be the queen of England

*How many undergrads have already called me BRO this semester— and I am sure they mean it kindly but I’m laughing about it quite a bit

*I’m on a 90s hiphop kick at the gym? It’s been a lot of Biggie and Aliyah lately.