cjhauser

cj hauser

Hi, it’s me, CJ.

I am a writer. I am queer. I am sober. I am probably the lovechild of Fox Mulder and Leslie Knope. I love plants and animals and books and can't stop talking about them like that one weird kid on your childhood playground did. Unless that weird kid was you. If you are here there is a non-zero chance that child was you.

I’m the author of a memoir, The Crane Wife, and two novels, Family of Origin, and The From Aways.

I was born in New York City and grew up in Connecticut. I got an MFA from Brooklyn College, which I am terribly proud of. I got a PhD from Florida State in Tallahassee and I still miss the grouper sandwich at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster shack.

I have published work in The Paris Review, The New York Times, Elle Magazine, Bon Appetit, Esquire, and Narrative Magazine among other places.

A friend of mine once said that if a writer lists a bunch of fancy publications they should then have to name some jobs they worked to pay the bills while doing that writing. I think that’s very smart. So: waitress, nanny, daycare worker, personal assistant, admin assistant, merch-grrl at the Bowery Ballroom, toilet reviewer for a magazine in Long Island City, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade worker, kids’ theatre camp teacher.

These days, I work at Colgate University where I have been happily teaching creative writing and contemporary literature since 2016. I run our Living Writers series. I love being a teacher.

I have a writing group I adore who has been together for a decade. You can hear an interview with us Firefeet on The Awakeners podcast.

I have a large fluffy dog named Sookie Stackhouse and three pet snails most of whom are named Patricia Highsmith.

I don’t have social media it bums me out.

they//them plz

I am always deeply obsessed with many things.

It is November 2026 & my current obsessions are:

*this Axl fan art

*the first snow of the year and the weasel-dance my dog does when she is happy that it snowed

*All the long novels I bought at summer library book sales which I am now reading under my electric blanket and how this makes me feel like a squirrel who did hide themself many acorns for later

*pulverizing soups with an immersion blender and the fart sound it makes while I do it

*My students doing open mic nights

*anything procedural on television. give me a procedure and I shall be soothed.

*writing down reading recommendations on slips of paper and passing them to people like they are secret notes

*wearing the friendship bracelet my niece made me on her rainbow loom in my favourite colours green and yellow